Princess Diaries 8 excerpt

January 2007 Tuesday, September 7, English

MIA!!!!! Aren’t you EXCITED??? It’s a whole new school year! We’re JUNIORS!!!! JUST ONE YEAR AWAY FROM RULING THE SCHOOL!!!! Oh, your hair looks great by the way. - T

Do you really think so, Tina? About my hair? Mom and I took Rocky to Astor Place Hairstylists yesterday for his first haircut, since it was the only place open, seeing as how it was Labor Day. He wouldn’t stop screaming bloody murder about it, so I volunteered to let them trim my hair first, to show him it didn’t hurt. I have to admit, I was kind of startled when they got the clippers out!

I think it’s great. You look just like Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday! What did Michael say when he saw it????

I haven’t seen him since I got back from Genovia. We’re meeting at Number One Noodle Son tonight though. I can’t WAIT!!! He says he has something VERY IMPORTANT he needs to tell me, that he can’t tell me over the phone or IM.

What do you think it is???? And Number One Noodle Son? That’s a little way out of his neighbourhood, isn’t it? Hasn’t he moved into the dorm yet?

No, not yet. Something about his housing. I think that’s what he wants to tell me. Maybe he’s getting his own apartment or something.

OH MY GOD!!! Can you imagine, if he had his own place????? No room-mates to burst in on you. And his own kitchen!!! He could make you romantic dinners!!!!!

I don’t KNOW if that’s what it is. He was very vague about it on the phone.

He’d better be getting his own place. What does he think, you’re going to make out at his parents’ place, in front of Lilly . . . not to mention his MOM????

Ha. Although Michael’s mom probably wouldn’t even notice, she spends so much time at his dad’s apartment.

Are the Drs Moscovitz getting back together???

I hope so! Michael says they’ve started ‘dating’. Each other!

Well, that’s better than if they were dating other people, I guess. Still, they might as well just get back together, in that case. Save money on rent. God, I’m glad my parents just ignore each other, like a normal couple.

Totally. Speaking of hair, what do you think of Lilly’s highlights?

She says J.P. prefers blondes. I don’t know. I never thought LILLY would be someone who’d change how she looks for a GUY. J.P. must be a total sexual dynamo.

TINA!!!! They haven’t Done It!!!!!

Oh. I just assumed. OH MY GOD, WHY????

Well, he DID go to her place in Albany that weekend.

Whatever, that was just because his parents were checking out some summer stock companies upstate! If they’d Done It, she’d have told us. I mean, don’t you think she’d have told us?

She’d have told you, maybe. She’d never tell ME. Lilly thinks I’m a goody-two-shoes.

She does not!!!!

Yes, she does. But that’s OK. I AM a goody-two-shoes. I mean, I don’t even want to SEE It. Let alone Touch It. Could you imagine having one? I’d die. Do you think Lilly’s touched J.P.’s?

NO WAY!!!! She’d have told me. I mean, it’s true I haven’t seen her since I got back from Genovia for the summer. But still. She’d have told me if she’d . . . you know. At least I think so . . .

She touched Boris’s.

WHAT????? Also AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHY DID YOU TELL ME THAT????????

Well, I didn’t want to know either!!!!! Boris told me!!!!

WHY DID HE TELL YOU THAT?????

Because of that book my aunt gave me – you know, Your Precious Gift.

Oh, right. That one about how your virginity is a precious gift that you should only give to the person you marry, because you can give it only once, and you don’t want to give it to someone who won’t value it.

Yeah. Only the book doesn’t say anything about what you’re supposed to do if after you marry the person you find out that he’s gay, something you might have known before you went
to all the expense of a wedding if you hadn’t waited. But whatever. Boris saw the book on my shelf and was worried I might be upset that Lilly had touched it before I did. Even though he’s still, you know. A virgin. It was touching.

Did she touch it OVER or UNDER the pants?

Under.

I’m sorry, Tina. I know Boris is your boyfriend. But I am totally going to throw up now.

I know. Let’s face it, Mia. You and I are going to be the Last Virgins at Albert Einstein High.

Wow. That sounds like the title of a book.

You should totally write it!!!! THE LAST VIRGINS.

- Two girls cursed with Israeli-trained bodyguards, paid by their fathers to protect their daughters’ Precious Gifts . . . with their lives!

No man shall know them – UNTIL PROM NIGHT!!!!

Oops, Sperry’s looking this way. I guess we should pay attention. So you have any idea what she’s talking about?

Who cares? This is way more interesting.

Totally. So . . . you really think she’s touched J.P.’s too?

I already told you! I think they full on Did It!

No. She’d have told me. Don’t you think she’d have told me?

You’re the one who’s know her since first grade or whatever. Only you would know the answer to that. But she IS blonde now.

Hey! I’m blonde! And I still have my Precious Gift!

Oh yeah. Sorry. I forget.

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Can you wait?? Me neither..